Eloquent Feelings

I don't fake a smile I wash my face so that Nobody reads my eyes! If for one more time I feel the need to die, I will. For, I'm done trying. Why try to live, When death is the ultimate peace? With last ounce of hope I rose again To feel empty and lost A rainbow without rain! Everytime I try I fail. A lil, I die. When death is on me I'll be alive and happy They ask me to talk But, never listened Do you hear the ticking of clock? Because, now it's the end of this game!

Don't talk to me about the stars I'll tell you how real darkness is I don't believe in your kind of love I have traded my soul for peace Spent nights in arms of my ephemerals Woke up alone to sunrise I opened myself up like a book To be loved for a night. I have been loved so wrong In wanting to be loved right Like a hotel for travellers on a lonely road Nobody to stay here for a longer while That's how I survive this life Being a slut in your eyes. More power to the all the sluts Who are deeper than breasts and butts You have been judged and tagged And still live like you don't care But, when night envelopes the sky And you try try and try You crawl for that love, for that guy Who leaves you in the morning to just cry Wearing a makeup to hide everything And being mocked by filthy beings Nights to days, days to nights Hoping and believing guys' lies But you, my slut, shouldn't be the one to cry Paying a price, suffering and hu...

Tonight I'm again sinking in myself, Seeing my life turn to ashes. My face wears a blanket of calmness, And soul depreciating with turbulence. Tonight, again my mind is getting louder, I feel like being ripped off my shelter. I'll walk the alley that leads to the end, Take a U-t urn, before the final descent. Tonight again I'll cry till my tears are dry, Like a lifeless heap of flesh n blood, I would lie. The pain of living in every breath I inhale, Giving up on life with every breath I exhale. Tonight I would again want to slit my vein, Perhaps hang myself or jump to ease the pain. I am letting the demons overpower me, Too weak to fight, I am succumbing. Tonight it's going to be dark and obsequious, But, I'll make it through, like I have been doing for years. Although I feel I like I shouldn't try anymore, Yet, I know that I am worth fighting for! Tonight again it's a battle in my head, Either way I lose, part of me will be dead. Not t...

Even if I stand here still At this very moment of time, I move. I move with you. A moment ahead in time. Even if I hold still And bring no change at all. I'll change. Change with you. When I look back in life Even if I fail But cease to give up I'll grow. Grow everyday with you. Someday, will taste success too! Even if I say I hate everything and everyone I'll love. Love with you As we all have little love within us. Even if days get harder And nights never seem to end I'll hope. Hope with you. For, there's light at the end of tunnel Even if you leave As people come, people go I'll live Live for myself That's why I was born, that's how I'll go

The kind of broken where there's No beginning Time is a battle and Defeat destiny! Swimming across an ocean So deep One more moment, I tell myself But no end to reach. Running away from people but Looking back too To find myself alone but Hoping not to. Scared and afraid of what lies In my head Illusionary demons thrive in mind and Paralyze my senses. Callous or sensitive? Or , Nothing at all Only tears can be trusted, smiles So foul . No! I shouldn't be alone With myself Because solitude can destruct little Peace that remains. I ain't fighting, and I am No survivor. Soon I will give up, but today I'll put an effort.

आलस और थकान से भरी आँखें, अब ज़रा सोना चाहती हैं लक्ष्य को पल भर भूलके, समय के साये में खोना चाहती हैं दिल और दिमाग की इस लड़ाई में, दोनों को मैं समझाऊंगा रस्ता टूटा या मुश्किल तो क्या, मंज़िल तो हर हाल में पाउँगा। जो अपने थे वो पराये हुए, पराये तो खैर पास  आते कब थे लक्ष्य जिन्होंने यहाँ पाया है, वो लघु मार्ग पर जाते कब थे घर छूटा, घर वाले छूटे, मैं राही खुद अपनी राह  बनाऊंगा रस्ता टूटा या मुश्किल तो क्या, मंज़िल तो हर हाल में पाउँगा। प्रतिदिन क्षितिज से ढलता सूरज, फिर अपनी  जगह पे आता है प्रकृति अविरल...

World that I, almost, own Hanging on a thread of luck Working hard, lazying off Time goes by, I remain stuck. World where I am, almost, happy Just after crossing last hurdle I will win, only if last remains last And, chronology doesn't reshuffle. World where I am, paradoxically, free Make my own choices but Bounded with choices imposed on me And, life restricted in shell-nut. World where I take, so much, pride In my existence, in my survival No time to hum in solitude Chaos has become my living.

Everything you have is not everything If you lie awake alone After the lights go off! Nothing can never be nothing If it so much matters After the lights go off! Somethings are not just somethings If it beats deep inside your heart After the lights go off Sometimes are more than sometimes If you relive them every time After the lights go off! All that matters, all that is true Are only those that keeps you awake After the lights go off!

Long back, I would have been gone, With no traces of me except in few hearts. Every bit of me mixed with dust and earth, Gone like the unseasonal rain; It was destined for me to be in heaven. A thread of love swirled around my heart Tied and captured, binding me here! I still wish to fly to nowhere but above sky, But the single strand of love Binds me to this worldly lies.

It’s divided into two different eras of my life- my memories in and with rain . The first are the nonchalant days from the extreme past which I refer to as “Before Growing Up” period, and the second is the “After Growing Up” period when my whole perception as a pluviophile changed for the good. My memories during the “Before Growing Up” period are simple and colorful like every other kid’s. Rain was the excuse to mount my grandfather’s shoulder on my way back home from school. When I grew up a little, rain was the cause of my struggle for fitting into my pink raincoat with a school bag on the back. The most difficult problem, I tell you, was walking home in wet socks and water-filled shoes. I, being a pluviophile since childhood, fantasized about getting drenched in the rain; however, all I did was try to navigate the paper boats that never sailed. Running in the rain across the lawn forcing my paper boat to move was so much of an adventure back then. That little dance in the rain w...

An ocean of darkness, And, a mind that overthinks; Drowning in my own self, While nobody sees. Don't tell me it's in my mind; Show me how to deal. I know, soon, I will rise, But today, help me heal! Cuts and suicidal tendencies, Growing demons in me. So burdened by these, Only if death makes me free! A tinge of hope, a pinch of faith, Is all I'm surviving upon. Giving up, giving in, Fighting for better tomorrow.

I still wonder where did I go wrong. Was it her being perfect that makes me so wrong or my anomalous dreams. When did dreaming different became silent crime? I regret for dreaming what I was shown is possible; I regret that I believed things to be true that are not. I am guilty and I am impliedly sentenced to a lifetime imprisonment in my own flesh. I murder my dreams daily but they feed on me and get alive again, daily. Every time I kill it, a part of me is eroded. They don't die, but, I do; daily. How can I be the one at fault by default? I look back and find no mistakes that verdict me as evil but I have been to them the evil one. So, when did I go wrong? May be, it is because I have been the anomaly. I see things differently and I apologize for that. But, my perception is what you showed to me was just, why am I being punished by you? She is perfect, I'm not; that makes me wrong? Years after years, I wasted time being like the perfect one. But, I apologize for I am born d...

Labyrinth with no exit, bright entrance Twists and turns and then lights fades. Too few people, too many faces Brightness long gone, darkness prevails Illusional lies delusional lies One who lies survives Truth has colors here- black and white Black unveiled, white in light Care and love are termed and conditioned People breathe, souls are assassinated Love long gone, cold winter all around Beasts and demons,here, are all so proud. Inch by inch, silently, Part by part, slowly Black is developing and engulfing Running away, but my soul is weakening. Blood runs cold, battle lost In me a demon lives, soul frost.

Fear is man's greatest enemy of all times. Not that the brave do not fear a thing but they tame it. Fear, like all other emotion is inevitable but not invincible. It can be defeated and conquered! But, if not tamed, fear will tame you and that's what precedes cascading failures in life. It is precarious for life. Imagine the spider which tried and tried and tried to mount a wall inspite of falling again and again; had it been a pusillanimous creature, we would not have had learnt the lesson of 'try, try and try again'. If it had given up then, we would have never known its story. The MountainDew ad rightly says that 'darr sabko lagta hai' and it very well shows the essence of facing it. You never know what lies on the other side of the wall of fear. Obviously I do not endorse drinking of a particular drink to tame fear but I insist everyone never to give up due to fear. Fear comes basically from two things- changing what exists since long, and, the other come...

One more night of survival ends here. I just survived a day of hopelessness and I truly feel like congratulating myself. This is how 'growing up' turns out to be at one point of time, I suppose. Days turn to nights and nights to days, people and time change too but the constant feeling of "where am I going?" never changes. I long to see what's in store for tommorrow and all I carry inside me is the people who have become blurred but memorable lessons. We tend to adapt to the kind of feeling a person makes us feel and that feel runs through the blood like a magical drug and when it disappears after sometime, like every other thing does, we get insane. We have dreams and we work hard but suddenly we realise that hard work is not the only key to success, and, the toughest lesson of life is the acceptance of the fact that life is unfair, most of the times. Then, there is another lesson of learning the art of letting people go. This is the period when I forget that ...

Who says perfection is a myth? Mothers are perfect! They personify the term perfect; so tender, caring and most of all- sacrificing. From sacrificing her night’s sleep to sacrificing her share of scrumptious food, they always prioritized us. If you ask me about my siblings or friends, I can tell you about a lot of moments that were special but with my mother, every moment is special.  She is the only one who made me believe that love is unconditional and still exists. Healing to me is her soothing smell when I sleep on her lap. How can someone love so unconditionally and selflessly, may be this why whenever we say “MAA” an overwhelming feeling overpowers us. I don’t know what happiness actually means but to me it is the breeze of peace that hits me gently when I hug my mother. She always knew what ingredients were required for a perfect upbringing. She knew about the cruelty prevailing in the world we live in yet she dared to teach her daughter honesty. It...

I stared straight into the eyes of the other me. Her eyes were narrating a similiar story. Lessons, solitude, traumas and pain- I know how she felt because I have been through the same! The world has its influence on me; I smile and laugh for the world to see. But when the darkness envelopes the sky, The haunts creep in with the pain soaring high. How come world's influence did not touch her? She is exhausted but she is a fighter. The other me is other than me; She looks torn apart and weary. The mirror shows me the strength in me, And tells me that I need to set my soul free. The other me, my soul, is the the reflection of me; Yet she is other-than-me.

There is a world under the blanket, There she lives alone. Submerged in the songs and lyrics, Only light comes from the cell phone. Where she feels waves of memories lapping, On the threshold of the conscience; She leads her mind to hibernation, And lets the waves stream down her eyes. There is no happiness but some peace; When the lyrics speak for what she feels. Slumber envelopes her, and; And the music heals.

“Stay strong! ” How often people misinterpret these words! Whenever I was on the verge of breaking down, someone said, “Stay strong.” I thought it meant not to cry. I pulled my socks up and bounced back. Everytime I bounced back, I lost a part of myself to the cruel hands of past. Parts of me eroded as I started enduring the lessons from life. The lessons from life mostly compiled the people who left, wrong choices, forever good byes, etc ! Pain is bitter. It is a clingy lump in the throat that demands to be swallowed. As it travels inside you, it feels like sharp blades are ripping the wind pipe from inside. As soon as it is swallowed, the bitterness causes the eyes to get teary! It aches inside, engulfing everything you have within you and all you are advised to do is to “stay strong!” But, pain is the staple content of life; not because you need both ups and downs but because it is better than the nadir of despondency. I have walked on the shat...

Past is on And still haunts It is dark It is cold It is scary My dead soul is what I carry. All are dead Few awake I run I fall I crawl Trying to forget all. People are cruel For them I fail They push They stab They kill No more there is anything I feel.