The Old Friend

I saw a familiar figure coming in my direction like a ray of hope nearing me in a dark tunnel.

“Fatso! What’s up??”

I heard his voice from some distance which was faint but audible enough for me to recognize him. 

I smiled, it was natural and inadvertent. He was like the rain after the drought that helped all the dust from the tragedy of the past to settle down on earth. It felt fresh and light when I smiled, after a long time.

Something inside me reacted when he came closer and my brain reacted in a reflex, my hand lifted itself up to embrace a new beginning, or, to continue something that was left incomplete someday in the pages of my book that has been turned by me then.

I embraced my past-before-the-latest-past in my arms where probably he embraced his temporary future in his arms.

Whatever it was, nostalgia hit me hard and I melted into silent tears which I managed to hide from him. He was and still is real bad in learning my feelings from my eyes but I felt warm. It felt like meeting a known stranger between unknown friends and trust me, a known stranger is a better feeling.

“let’s go for a ride!” he said and I agreed to it immediately. I had to. I had been cold for a long time and I was liking the new familiar warmth.

I picked my favorites from my wardrobe and accessorized myself in a perfect way. I don’t know about the looks but I felt beautiful.

Beauty for me is not about how I look but how I feel. Beauty lies in my passion, ambition, compassion. Beauty is my warmth that is burried inside me, beautiful are my invisible scars. I am beautiful because I got some deep wounds that has transformed to invisible scars. I endured the pain, I survived it; I am beautiful inside. My extra flabs cannot make me look ugly, because beauty is not about pulchritude.

I saw my lips arching in the mirror giving way to the sexiest curve on my face- my smile.

He entered in my room and noticed me from top to bottom. I got back to take my cell, I observed him noticing me but didn’t pay much attention to it as I was not waiting for him to compliment me. I am beautiful in my own way and I do not need anyone to authenticate this fact. However, a few compliments are not bad for health too.

We left my home for a bike ride. As I was about to sit on the bike, he complimented that I had gained a few more pounds. He smirked and I smiled. I smiled because I knew I am not beautiful like before. No, not for the extra flabs but because of the extra scars I chose over him.

My silence and smile left him in perplexity and we set out to explore the long gone days from the pages of the past. With every turn on the road, I went deep down the lane where I used to reside once. I was diving deep in my memories. I remember our never ending chats, late night conversations, high fives and hugs. I smiled in perplexity as I pondered if this is the same guy I had known then. I can’t even keep my hands on his shoulder comfortably anymore. Things have changed, and I accepted it. I was happy we were putting efforts to light at least a spark if not the flame.

I felt guilty too. I was not guilty of choosing the guy I loved over the guy who loved me. I was not guilty of rejecting him. I was guilty of seeking his help when my love tore my soul apart. I was guilty of hurting him the way I am hurt now and leaving him midway but there was no point of staying with him and leading him on. I am guilty of the fact that I chose love over friendship and he chose friendship over love.

“Hold me tight! Let me feel you.” He said using his disc brakes.

“Do not act pervert! Be decent!” I said in a disgusted tone.

“Why? Didn’t we use to hug each other before?”

“Don’t embarrass me now!”

I knew he was kidding, like before but I was a changed person. I was more inclined towards maturity and decency.

He abruptly asked about my ex and I was choking with emotions.

“oh sorry! Do not get upset, please.”

There was a concern in his voice when he saw me choking with emotions but I was also aware of the fact that he was trying to remind me of the rejection. May be he thought that I learnt a good lesson by rejecting him. Yes, I did learn a lesson but scars are beautiful. He was flaunting my heartbreak as his victory. I smiled again; I smiled as immaturity is a funny and common thing.

He tried to flaunt how beautiful his girlfriend is. I was happy for him but I pitied that girl who was being presented not as love but as a status symbol.

“I have the prettiest girlfriend in my peer group. Everyone drools over her. Moreover, she doesn’t enquire where am I going or with whom I am spending my time. I date and enjoy with a few other girls too.”

Though I felt bad for his girlfriend whom he was using to make me regret but I burst out laughing. I laughed my guilt out.

“Why are you being jealous?”

“You are jealous because you aren’t pretty anymore.”

With every word he uttered, I laughed more and more. I don’t know whether it was his immaturity that made me laugh or was it a realization that I made the right decision then. I knew he was not bad at heart so I did not mind anything but I realized that he was not a good guy. He needs to learn a lot from life, he is an amateur traveler of life now.

I was happy I chose my love over him and got heartbroken. At least I have no regrets but only lessons from life. I have not incurred any losses but gained maturity. I realized that wat I have been thinking all this time was not true, I made a correct decision. Had he loved me, I would still have been beautiful for him. Love does not grow old or ugly with time, it remains the same.

 

Admist all the hustle-bustle, pollution, noise, smoke from chimneys and cars, there lied beauty in the lonely highways. Beauty is a hidden thing that requires to be noticed. I noticed it now and with a new lesson I embraced a new beginning. As he dropped me home, I bid adieu to him seeing my guilt from past disappear in the misty evening, forever.

I unfolded a new lesson from life today named, “The Old Friend.”

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