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I Lied When I Said She Will Be Fine

"Ssh! You'll be fine." I wrapped her in my arms trying to comfort her from something I could never understand. When I had set out on a path of conquest of life, I bumped into her and since that day I have known that she is like a quenching of my thirst of life. But life never comes easy. Behind her beautiful innocent appearance lies her demons. I tell her everyday that she will be fine; but, will she?

Not a single person can look into her eyes and make out that there lies a galaxy of darkness inside her, thriving every night and embracing her. I see my girl standing on the edge of life and death, everyday. Every night. She has got the most beautiful and compassionate heart; she has also got cruelty and brutality, but for herself. The girl I love the most can't love me back with the same vigour and she's unaware of it. She thinks she loves me and even I had that notion but when I started knowing her, I knew she was able to love more but she just couldn't get rid of the aching emptiness that resides in her chest. I guess that should have made me love her lesser but my love for her knew no bounds after that.

Wanting to end everything and not being able to live with her own soul, she still chose to love me. The love she should have been showering on herself, she gave it all to me. Could I be more thankful?

It hurts. It hurts to see her like this but what hurts more is the thought that she is going through much more than this. It must be unbearable. I have seen her laugh and cry but her laughs have never been so convincingly empowering like her cries. Those silent wails. Curling on bed and laying there without sleeping at night. I have pretended not to notice it so as not to hurt her I'm-an-independent-woman ego. But, how do I not notice that my life is succumbing in front of me and I can't do anything about it?

I am scared. Scared that someday she might leave. She has been strong, for way too long. Had I been in her place I would have given up, long back.
~
I knew this was going to happen; but, like this,I would never have imagined. I could never picture myself in this situation though I had always known that this was coming. Yet, I'm not as grieved as I expected myself to be. After seeing her suffer so much, I guess I know that she is breathing peacefully now. She is relieved of the demons and darkness now. I am happy for her. I, like many of us, had the notion that suicide and ethuanasia are different concepts; but, sometimes they aren't. And, a lot of times, depression kills.

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